Healing of the Soul and an Astonishing Bond
The Surprising Story of an Orphaned Little Girl with Reactive Attachment Disorder and Her Broken and Abused Pony
Jennifer Dugas Bitting
Everywhere you turn, there are countless heartbreaking stories of orphaned children. There are as many brutal stories of abused and abandoned animals — especially horses. But, there are beautiful stories too. Like an orphaned girl, an abused horse, and the healing they both experienced. Creating an inseparable bond.
My late husband and I adopted our daughter from Ukraine at age four. She was abandoned at birth and suffered grave neglect in her orphanage. Adjusting to life in America was anything but easy for her. As she grew up in our home, my family experienced trauma and torment at the hands of this tiny child. She exhibited unbelievable violent behaviors. And when I say unbelievable, no one could fathom a tiny girl could behave this way. Classic behaviors of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). We sought help from doctors all over the country. Sure enough, the doctors diagnosed her with this severe behavioral disorder.
Trauma and neglect in her formative years created an internal desire to protect herself from others. At all costs. Even if this meant pushing away love and affection from people who cared. She used extreme and violent behaviors to keep us away. If you can imagine, my family struggled with our inability to protect, love, and care for this child. To add insult to injury, people outside our home, saw a sweet, friendly, and rather adorable little girl. Her pain and torment hid deep in her heart and mind.
The Broken Pony
In 2002, four years before my daughter’s adoption, my family purchased an adorable seven-year-old quarter pony for my children to learn how to ride. Brandy, abused by his first owner was rescued by a kind soul who worked with him for several years. The seller was an honest woman and did not realize residual behaviors would eventually surface from his trauma.
In the beginning, I worked with Brandy on a lunge line to prepare him for teaching my young children how to ride. My sons were four, two, and one at the time. Because my children were so small, I alone cared for Brandy. On riding days, once Brandy was saddled and ready — which was no small feat, my children waited their turn to ride. Proud Brandy strutted around carrying littles on his back!
Looking back, although I owned horses for more than 30 years, I never had a sour or abused pony. I guess I ignored or made light of the surly behavior Brandy exhibited. My brain was foggy as I raised 3 little boys and worked on adopting my daughter. I managed Brandy’s behavior and trained myself to stay out of the way. This horse was snotty. And I mean snotty. He bit. He kicked. He pinned his ears to his head 90% of the time. He ran away when I came with the halter. Strange enough, he was a perfect angel when the children were atop his back. The only reason I continued to give them lessons — Maybe I was crazy, but I wasn’t stupid.
The First Meeting
Four years later, in 2006, on day seven of living in America, I introduced my daughter to the horses. We looked at Brandy from afar while petting the “safe” horses. My daughter stared at Brandy and repeated over and over “that one” in Russian. With my limited Russian vocabulary I told her “No, he is not good to touch.”
Later that day, my daughter was taking a nap — or so I thought. When nap time was over, I could not find her in her room… or anywhere. With desperation, I called her name and searched the entire house and yard. My other children helped. She was nowhere. The horses… I ran down to the horses as fast as I could and there she stood, snuggled up to the brat-face pony. I stopped breathing. What happened next still blows my mind to this day. When I tried to walk over and retrieve my daughter, the pony charged me. Over and over he charged me. I couldn’t believe it. Panicked, I tried to get around the pony, protecting myself from his snarling face. All the while, the pony being gentle and kind to my daughter. After some time, I coaxed my daughter away from Brandy and breathed a huge sigh of relief.
My daughter didn’t spend “alone time” with the pony again for a very long time. He wasn’t trustworthy. She was naive. She had a safe old mare who taught her the ropes around our property and on the trails. In the meantime, I exercised the pony and tried to work through the ugly behaviors. We also muddled through the same types of behaviors with our daughter. Biting, kicking, tantrums, breaking windows, stealing knives, kicking the dog, and more.
Unbreakable Bond Through Equine Therapy
Over the years, my daughter spent countless hours with Brandy and learned how to communicate with him. Loving on him and not giving up when he bit or kicked her. She soothed him when he was angry and gave him treats when he behaved. As his demeanor improved towards my daughter, he remained bearish for the rest of us. Friends questioned why I allowed my daughter to spend time with him — was he safe? No, not for us. But for my daughter… they had an understanding… perhaps an agreement. She never gave up on him.
My daughter turned 17 this year and has experienced tremendous benefits from horseback riding therapy.
Today, she asked for a new halter for the best pony ever — AKA brat-face pony.
Our family never gave up on my daughter or the snotty pony. We knew in our hearts both human and horse suffered from demons we couldn’t see. Through equine therapy with love, consistency, boundaries, and lots of affirmation — healing happened. Relationships mended, and the biting and kicking stopped — both child and pony. Brandy became the best pony ever trusted with strangers and family alike. My daughter continues to make strides in her healing on a daily basis. I attribute much of her progress to the wonder pony. What an unlikely duo!
